


A Jan Story

by Diglossia



Category: Panik
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-22
Updated: 2010-01-22
Packaged: 2017-10-06 13:21:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diglossia/pseuds/Diglossia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jan is trying to start something with Juri. Something romantic, that is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Jan Story

"I- shit, Jan, be careful this time, okay? We don't need what happened last time to- you know," T:mo said, rubbing the back of his neck and looking uncomfortable.

Jan winced, knowing exactly the words that T:mo did not want to say: _we don't need him to be another Max_. T:mo, David, and Linke had insisted at the time that it wasn't Jan's fault that Max left. There had been so many things wrong with Max, his playing, and his attitude. Panik had not been the right band for Max but Jan knew, no matter what his bandmates said, that his coming out had been the deciding factor in Max's leaving.

But this time was different. This time it was Juri coming on to Jan. At least Jan thought he was. Juri sat just a little too close to him, talked just a little too suggestively with him, smiled just a little too long at him. Could Jan be wrong and all his careful guessing of Juri's feelings be absolutely off?

Jan really wanted to be right this time. There had been too many close calls of not-so-careful wishing on Jan's part that had led to quick backpedaling and cool words from T:mo to stop the mess that Jan had been way too close to making. Jan remembered vividly how badly he had misjudged the signals Wolf Reinbacher had been giving him and how T:mo's fist had been the only thing that kept Jan from being smashed into the pavement outside of their school and having _Schwuler_ written across his forehead with permanent marker.

It made Jan happy that T:mo was still protective of him, now that several years had passed since they had broken up. Jan wondered if he would ever again be with someone who cared for him beyond sex and booty calls, someone who actually wanted to be close to something other than his body. Of course, Jan was also alive and wanted sex and fun and orgasms as much as anyone with a dick or a clit but friends with benefits were preferable to fuck buddies.

So Jan hunkered down and took to studying Juri's every movement, looking for clues that he was interested. Juri, unfortunately, acted the same way he always did which drove Jan absolutely crazy as he had no idea whether it was a poker face or honest disinterest.

One Saturday, they were alone together, the odd combination of a grocery run and too many errands needing to be done all at once. Jan sat on the floor, looking over some sheets of new music David had written and watching Juri out of the corner of his eye as the drummer cleaned the dishes that had been piling up in the kitchen sink. Juri would wash them with the same thorough gesture, the muscles of his arms rippling as they circled the lip of the round plates and bowls. Jan watched, not quite caring that he reread a couple sheets more than twice. Juri washing dirty dishes trumped black and white notes on lined paper any day.

Jan got up and went into the kitchen to get a glass of water. He grabbed a glass from the cabinet and slid a hand across Juri's to turn the water on. Juri did not move away and Jan could almost feel the drummer against him. Should he say something? Jan thought, stealing a glance up at Juri. One look at his face though and Jan's stomach flip-flopped.

Well, fuck it, Jan thought, putting the glass down in the sink, talking never got anyone anywhere anyway.

He leaned up, catching a quick glimpse of a wide-eyed Juri, and grabbed the blonde's neck, bringing their mouths together. Juri, after a second's pause, tilted his head and parted his lips, moaning softly. They kissed. It was nice, Jan thought, even if his back did ache from reaching so far up. He had completely miscalculated Juri's height against his own and was now on the very tips of his toes and barely reaching Juri's mouth. Juri's hand slid down his back, cupping Jan's ass.

Jan stiffened, not at all sure he wanted the kiss to go _that_ far.

Juri laughed.

"I'm gonna lift you onto the sink," he said in Jan's ear, "It'll make it easier on you."

Jan blinked, surprised. Juri's other hand reached down under his ass and Jan let the drummer pick him up. Juri smiled when Jan settled on the sink lip and kissed him. Jan didn't resist and wrapped his arms around Juri's neck. Juri's tongue pressed against Jan's bottom lip and Jan let him inside, feeling his warm tongue against the roof of his mouth.

Juri's left hand brushed against Jan's neck.

"I'm gonna fall," Jan muttered after a while.

His face flushed, Jan dropped to the ground lightly and pressed a hand to his burning face.

"What's wrong?" Juri asked.

He pulled Jan's hand down and threaded his long fingers through Jan's short ones. Jan made a rude noise.

"That was really fucking awkward," he mumbled.

"So?" Juri said, kissing Jan's still red-hot cheek.

"I feel like a fucking girl, okay?" Jan growled, feeling more embarrassed than he had in a long while, "I'm so short and you're so tall. God…"

Juri had the decency not to laugh. Jan's hand still in his own, Juri took him to the loveseat by the television. Jan plopped down gracelessly and tried to recover his hand from Juri's grip. Juri did not let go, instead he shifted over so that his arm was around Jan's shoulder and his face was too close for comfort.

Jan desperately wanted the earth to open up beneath him and swallow him whole so he would not have to be on a couch sitting next to Juri, making an absolute ass of himself. Jan almost wished Juri had freaked out when he had kissed him and run away screaming. Jan could think of tons of solutions for that particular situation. Juri pulling him close and kissing his wrist was infinitely more complicated than an 'oh, shit' apology could ever be. Juri playing with his hair as his fingers ghosted across Jan's skin was only making Jan feel even more embarrassed.

"Juri-"Jan whined as soft lips kissed his cheek.

"You want me to stop?" Juri asked, barely pulling away, "If you want me to, I will."

"I-" Jan said, his throat tight, "I don't know."

He wasn't at all sure what he wanted right then. His mind was screaming at him to get away from Juri before everything came crashing down and Juri told him it was all a game or a bet between him and Linke to see if he could mess with Jan's head but Juri wasn't acting at all like it was a game. Big, tall, straight Juri was touching him and kissing him and sitting way too damn close to him and Jan just couldn't tell if it was a joke or real. He looked up at Juri, uncertainty spread across his face.

Juri smiled and kissed their entwined hands.

"You want a hug?" he asked.

Jan wondered if Juri was laughing at him inside his head. He still felt ridiculous but he did want a hug. He wanted to press himself against Juri's chest and hold on, and have Juri's cologne fill his nose, and Juri's warmth all around him.

Lost in his confusion of thoughts, Jan did not realize that Juri had pulled him onto his lap and wrapped his arms around him. Jan leaned into Juri absently, still thinking far too much for his own good.

Juri kissed Jan, on the mouth this time, and Jan came to to a very pleasant situation. There really was only one thing he could do right now and that was enjoy Juri's kiss.

ØØØ

Jan wrinkled his nose along with David. They were in the bathroom re-dying David's hair. The hair dye stunk like formaldehyde mixed with rotting possum all rolled up in hydrochloric acid and old henna paste. Jan pulled more of David's long hair to the side and set about smearing the dark liquid on the guitarist's scalp. A small bit dripped down David's neck and he yelped at the coldness. Jan grinned at the mirror. David scowled back.

"Could you be a bit more, I dunno, gentle? It feels like you're pulling chunks of my hair out," David said, reaching a hand up to massage his wet hair.

Jan smacked it away with his wrist, careful not to let the dye-besmirched gloves touch David. David growled more about Jan torturing his poor skull. Jan rolled his eyes and parted more of David's tangled hair, mixing the dye liberally over his blonde roots.

Jan was by this point standing in the bathtub behind David. David was sitting on the rim of the tub, hunched over and cowering away from Jan's glove-covered hands and the cold dye. Jan did not even know how many times they had done this, since David's hair grew quickly and his roots were bright and obvious after only a month from the last dye job.

"You know what my mom always says?" Jan asked brightly, happy as anything.

Messing with David's hair was something Jan found terrifically fun and funny. David was never more irritable than when he was at Jan's mercy but there was nothing he could do except bitch under Jan's hands. David had tried far too many times to dye his hair himself and the results had been less than satisfactory, which was why Jan was currently knuckle deep in hair and thick dye.

"What?" David grumped.

"Beauty takes pains."

"What the hell does that mean? Ow," David said, wincing as Jan untangled a massive snag above his ear.

"It means if you want to look good, you better learn to shut up about what it takes to get there. I think it's good advice," Jan said, shoving David's head to the right.

"You think what Tupac says is good advice," David snarled, his head at a forty-five degree angle from its previous position.

"Who the hell is Tupac?"

"A rapper T:mo listens to."

"Oh. No, I don't."

"Yes, you do."

"No, I don't."

"_Doch_."

"_Doch_ yourself."

"_Genau_."

"Oh, _schweig_," Jan said, scooping up the last of the dye from the green Tupperware container.

He smeared it across David's forehead where his hairline began and then ran his fingers through David's thickly coated hair. Jan lifted pieces here and there to check that the dye was spread well enough, and then gave David the go-ahead to move. David groaned, shifting his head around on his neck until it cracked.

Jan opened the bathroom door a crack and the window so that they could breathe somewhat. The smell of the dye filled the bathroom, the outside air too calm to bring in much of a breeze. Jan stood by the window, breathing in fresh air. When he turned back, David was watching him.

"What?" Jan asked

He stripped the latex gloves off and tossed them in the trash, avoiding David's gaze.

"Why didn't you tell me?" David said.

"Tell you what?" Jan mumbled, scratching at his wrist nervously where a bit of dye had dripped.

"That you and Juri are shacking up together."

Jan's eyes flew wide open. He gaped at David, who was smirking just a little too knowingly.

"We are not _shacking up_," Jan stressed, his face turning red, "We made out, that's _it_."

"You like him," David sing-songed, wriggling about on the edge of the tub.

"I will push you in," Jan threatened, "and turn the cold water on and let you go hypothermic and drown."

David's smirk turned into a wicked smile.

"I'd simply pull you in after me and then we'd both die," he said, dancing horribly like a little girl, "Jan likes Juri, Jan likes Juri."

"David, if you don't shut the fuck up-"

"What? What'll little Jan do to me?"

"_Mistkerl_, I could shave your head and carve my name into your skull, and force Linke's pubes down your throat."

"You'd have to get the pubes from Linke first," David said, grinning from ear to ear, "And I'd still tell everyone that you and Juri are in _love_ and want to get married and have, like, thirty kids and a house with a white picket fence."

"You're on crack, David."

"Doesn't mean you don't like Juri."

"Will you shut up already?"

"No. Has it been twenty minutes yet? My head's starting to itch."

"It's cause you're thinking about something other than music, _Hohlkopf_."

ØØØ

T:mo sat down on Jan's bed, dragging the little DJ to his side to cuddle.

"What's wrong?" Jan asked, burying his face under T:mo's arm comfortably.

They lay back on Jan's pillows as T:mo started to complain about his latest girlfriend.

"Fucking Cordula's being a whiny bitch, callin' me every five minutes to say I don't pay enough attention to her and how she ain't seen me since f-ing Friday. Dumb ho'."

"You shouldn't call your girlfriend that," Jan said, laughing as T:mo made a face.

"It's true."

"It's still not nice. Cordula's a human being and she cares about you or she wouldn't be so annoying," Jan said.

"She doesn't care about me: she just wants to take pictures and fuck and tell her friends about what a lousy boyfriend I am. She wants me to buy her expensive shit that I don't have the money for and she wants me to take her out to restaurants so we can have candlelit dinners under the moonlight or some other romantic crap."

"Have you even given her flowers?" Jan asked, his fingers making designs on T:mo's chest.

T:mo swore.

"I didn't think of that. Should I?" he said, looking down at Jan.

"Couldn't hurt."

"Nah. She ain't worth it."

"When are you gonna dump her?"

T:mo laughed.

"What makes you say that?" he said.

Jan smiled crookedly and twisted onto his stomach, laying his chin on T:mo's chest.

"With you it's never a question of 'if', it's when. I give her," Jan scrunched up his face in mock thought, "Two weeks."

T:mo snorted.

"I'm glad you have such faith in me."

"I try," Jan said, grinning.

They spent the afternoon together, talking of more pleasant things than T:mo's bitch-ass girlfriends. The band was working on a new record and they had plenty to do. Eventually, Jan and T:mo got around to talking about Juri- Jan realized pretty quickly that T:mo had been meaning to talk to him about the drummer. T:mo stroked Jan's hair, playing with his small curls.

"Just be careful," T:mo warned Jan again, "I don't want to see you hurt."

Jan smiled at his friend and ex, knowing that wherever he and Juri did end up, T:mo would have his back.


End file.
